Lost

I’m Lost?

You have lost yourself, honey,I don’t Know why it happened but You aren’t the same anymore.I just hope you find yourself before it’s too late”

This one sentence has been playing on in my head since last night like a broken record and I can’t help but wonder if it’s actually true.

It all began when my health faced a slight low point yesterday, nothing major just low blood pressure and stuff, but my mum seemed to be convinced my poor health is all my fault and I am not careful enough! I mean how is low blood pressure It’s not like I Attached a vacuum to my circulatory system and deliberately and slowly decreased my blood pressure(not that it is possible). So for obvious reasons I got a little mad and lashed out sarcastically! Now before I proceed one thing that you need to know is that if there is one thing my mum absolutely hates is sarcasm, the only time she is tolerant towards it is when she is using sarcasm. But if you value your life don’t even think of mentioning how hypocritical this is, trust me been there done that! Anyway the reaction to my sarcasm was beyond disastrous, because that led to my starting by reprimanding me and continued to give a detailed and exaggerated description of every mistake I have made in the last 4 years(at least) to my sister who has just come home from college.And before I knew it turned into a full blown attack at how I deal with life! in short they don’t approve with my methods of dealing with problems and life in general.

My mum kept saying how i was such a different girl 8 years ago. How I was such a disciplined competitive and balanced kid and how my dad passing away has made me aloof and almost disinterested in life.

“you used to be like sunshine. bright and happy. You aren’t like that anymore.” my mum said shaking her head. I could see how much saying this was hurting her and how she was genuinely worried I wasn’t the little girl who ran around smiling and laughing for no reason. I may have a problem smiling for cameras but I never felt I wasn’t smiling enough. I just knew nothing I said could change what she thought. My mother wanted me to be the girl who lived without a care in the world but still was organized to such precision you wouldn’t expect from a kid, the girl who was so full of confidence and a need to win she made sure she won, the girl whose sole goal was to please people around her, the girl who was friendly and warm, the girl who was sunshine. And I just don’t know if I’m sunshine anymore.

As I continued to hear my mum and sis speak about how I used to be such a great kid. I couldn’t help but wonder if they thought I wasn’t great anymore. did they think I was dysfunctional? did they think something was wrong with me?

Nothing they said made me feel unloved but I still couldn’t help that annoying voices in my head asking all of this; and thus started the waterworks which led to piss my mum off some more(My mum does not believe in crying for real reasons according to her it’s only acceptable to cry while watching movies. and that’s only a very mild exaggeration on my part) and she went off again how I was so much more braver as a kid.

In that very moment the only thing i wanted to do was explain to those two ladies who I love to bits that I was alright and I may be a trouble magnet but i am happy, that I was still liked things obsessively organized i just didn’t make a huge deal when things went wrong, that the reason I am guarded is because I don’t ever want to let anybody hurt me and everything i do is to protect myself. But I didn’t the reason being the lump in my throat the size of meteor in my throat.

Hearing what my family thought about my ways and ideas and their sincere worry for me caused literal pain in my chest. I could feel the room closing in on me and it took every ounce of energy I had to stay there and here them out instead of running away.

You have lost yourself, honey,I don’t Know why it happened but You aren’t the same anymore.I just hope you find yourself before it’s too late”

That’s the last thing she told me before she got up and went to bed. Mum followed giving me a tiny smile while I tried to stop my tears from falling and wishing my chest would stop hurting.

That night as my mum and sister slept I kept replaying everything again and again and promised myself I’d do anything to take that worried glint away from the eyes’ of my loved ones. I don’t know how I will do it but I just hope I will do it sometime soon, because I can’t stand to be the reason my family hurts. I just can’t.

This won’t be easy, I’ve been the way I am for very long, even now as I write this my eyes are tearing and I feel like somebody is crushing me but I will have to see beyond my own pain to fulfill this promise I made to myself. I don’t know how this will shape up in the days to come I just want to be my mum’s sunshine again.

 

 

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Link

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/pick-your-gadget/

an anywhere door!! a Few reasons

1- it’s time efficient:I’m always late having an anywhere door will enable me to save the traveling tym!!

2- It’s cost efficient: A one time investment then you can go on a literally tour the world for close to nothing!!

3- No irritating passengers, delayed flight schedules, motion sickness, co passengers with crying babies

8 things i just don’t understand about kids my age

I am,what I like to call, a borderline normal teenager. Like normal teenage girls I go to the mall sit with best friends and check out cute guys, worry if my hair looks right, worry about grades, disagree with my parents and the whole shebang!! But  there are still Things kids my age do that I don’t get. But I have my own Top 8list of things teenagers do that is beyond my range of understanding

1: Selfies

How does a picture of one’s laterally inverted mirror image with the cell pone covering 47.3% of the said person’s face come even close to cool? i won’t deny that some selfies are pretty cool but that is like just 2.3% of the selfies!! what is even the point of a selfie? I am not to proud to admit this but i even Googled “Why do people take selfies?” once! And Google actually came up with about About 20,20,00,000 results; I Know even I was surprised i half expected a Message saying “THAT IS EVEN A MORE STUPID QUESTION THAN ‘IS IRON MAN COOL?’ WHAT ARE YOU, RETARDED?” Honestly I don’t have a problem with selfies, it’s not like I disapprove of them; I just don’t get them!!

2: Consuming alcohol,drugs  and smoking

Now this I totally disapprove of. I fail to understand what could possibly compel oneself to pollute one’s body with things like alcohol and drugs and smoking Weed and cigarettes!! I mean come on!! *raises hands in frustration*How difficult is it to understand that cigarettes is cancer on a stick?? and Alcohol is.. umm… I don’t know..something really really evil in a bottle!!

3: Hashtags

one hashtag? two hashtags? four hashtags? I’m Cool with. I understand. But More than 5 hashtags is pure overuse and wastage of hashtags!! #Too #Many #Hashtags #Make #My #Head #Spin

4: Addiction to games like Temple Run and Subway Surfer

Okay I admit the only reason this gets on my nerves is cuz I have Zero hand eye coordination and am incapable of playing any kind of video game!!

5: usage of the word SWAG at least a gazzillion times a day!

Okay seriously People open a normal oxford dictionary and you will find swag to mean a piece of fabric fastened so as to hang in a drooping curve. How is it synonymous to coolness?

6: accumulating Dirty laundery

This strictly applies to guys and any guy reading this shouldn’t even dare to deny it cuz you know it’s true!! An average guy will at least wear a pair of jeans 2 more times than he should before washing it and the only reason he won’t wear it for that extra third time cuz his mum decides to put it in the washer before that pair of denims turn into a breeding ground for germs and filth.

7: Falling “madly” in Love.(every single month with a new person)

Dear Teenager,

The odds of you finding your soulmate in high school is one in a freaking megagazzillion.

yours truly,

A realist.

8: Extreme Lazziness

Me saying this is huge, cuz I’ll be honest and say I’m lazy too but I swear on my Batman Tee shirt that most People my age are way more lazy than me. I mean if You were to put a teenager ion a couch with access to his/her Phone a laptop internet connection, mirrors, and food the kid wouldn’t move for hours!!

 

 

 

 

Legendary

Legen… wait for it.. dary

Legendary!!

 

I have the biggest obsession with TV shows. Ask me anything  about TV shows and I’ll probably answer it with more information than the answer requires!!! Ask me who Marshal’s Boss at Goliath National Bank loved most and I’ll tell you! Ask me about the made up names phoebe uses and I’ll tell you!! ask me Sheldon’s qualifications i will tell you!! basically i love watching Sitcoms! And one TV show I love with every fiber of my soul is How I Met Your Mother and that show taught me a lot of things!! I swear it made me belive in doppelgangers!! for instance I learnt Nothing good ever happens after 2a.m!! I swear after watching that particular episode i have avoided taking major decisions after 2 am!! It made me believe in destiny and that what’s meant to be will be!! It also taught me to stay away from loud deafening clubs, not to get into a long distance relationships, telepathic convos can go wrong,slap bets are crazy fun and that a girl can be a bro too!!! but most importantly it made me want to write a blog!!

 

Thus came my awesome idea to blog! i have wanted to say “that’s going in my blog” like barney all my life!!

ANd finally i get to say it!!! i Have very recently found my love for blogging again (thanx to a friend) and this tym i mean business… so Suit UP cuz I’m going to blog lyk never before and and they are going to be so legendary that my blogging idol Barney Stinson’s would be proud!!#BarneyStyle

 

Recently I’d been feeling a lil low and sad and bored with life but in classic himym style i’m ready to stop being sad and be awesome cuz someone once told me -what’s the fun in being normal when you can be fantastic!!

 so i’m done with being a social hermit who never experiments and i’m ready to be fantastic!!

Habit

 My Faithfulness to my Bad Habit

  

HABIT : plural noun: habits

1.

a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

You see those two lines above this very sentence in that pretty lilac color?

Yes? Well I copied it right of a dictionary and that little word explains exactly why I can’t change to be a better and bigger person. 

 My faithfulness to my bad habits is a blessing as well as a curse…..

Okay that’s partially a lie… it isn’t a blessing! Nothing good comes of my bad habits.

Now before you let your imagination run loose and imagine me to a perpetually high pot head who lives on booze and pizza bought by money I get from mugging senior citizens in dark alleyways; let me ask you to rein in your active imagination!

My bad habits don’t consist of anything that dramatic. They are just those little annoyingly mean things I do like going out of my way to avoid people I know but not necessarily like; and when I say I go out of my way to avoid them it is not an overemphasis! A couple of months back I was on my way home when I saw a guy who used to be my classmate a long time ago before he moved to god knows where! I was seeing him almost 5 years and the mental image of me having a typical awkward conversation with him was enough for my conscience to shout yell “QUICK HIDE!!” at me. now if I could find a bush shrub car or a fat person to hide behind I would but knowing my luck none of those were available and I had to do something to avoid the aforementioned awkward conversation I did what any sane person would do when in my situation, and this is how the convo went.

guy: Hi Deeplina… Long time haan? how have you been?

Me: *fakes a confused look* Are you talking to me?

guy:YUP!!

me: I’\m sorry you have the wrong person. I am not deeplina. 

*walks off leaving the guy embarrassed and confused*

 Ookay I know that isn’t how a normal person would have handled things but in my defense I am a very shy painfullyawkward person who is the definition of antisocial and sometimes(who I am I kidding it’s every time) there is a situation that requires me to interact with a human being I am not at least 63% comfortable with my first instinct is to run. and in an attempt to listen to my awesome instincts I do something so horrible I feel the need to die of shame!

I know no amount of remorse I feel will change the fact that the way I treated that  guy was  super duper mean but still I know even if I had a chance go back in time to redo things I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to have that awkward conversation no matter how much I wanted to do the nice thing and talk to him. Such is my reluctant faithfulness to my bad habits! 

My friends were appalled when I told them what happened and couldn’t imagine what would compel somebody to behave the way I did. To be honest their expressions were funny- the shock the huge eyes, the slightly slack mouth and the hint of desire to laugh at my crazy act. 

What I did was horrible and I am not at all proud of  it, But confessing it like this in a blog is huge for me and it’s gonna take a lot of effort for me to click that little orange “PUBLISH” button on the right of my screen.

This is not gonna change anything but it’s my way of apologizing to the guy who was nice enough to say hey to that quite girl who used to be in his class.

 

 

LOVE

LOVE SUCH A FUNNY THING

dedicated to her munchkin and his beanie!!

 

LOVE. A teeny tiny 4 letter word so liberally used. A topic absolutely every single person has an opinion about! Now love is one thing I have mixed feelings about. I believe it exists only in the wonderful world of Disney movies and romance novels but the existence of love in real life is a itsy-bitsy doubtful for me! I mean even if you ask me to give my opinion on love on a day when I’m feeling good I’ll probably say something  like ” Love is for stupid people.”. Nope my pleasantly cynical outlook about love is not because I got my heart broken so bad I’m scarred for life when it comes to love, nor do i think boys have cooties and I’m disgusted by the thought of 2 people falling in love, actually you probably won’t find another person in the whole wide world who watches as many Rom-coms as me or reads as many love stories as me! It’s just I’ve seen so many people do such crazy things when they fall in love. Girls behave so different they forget who they really are and do things you wouldn’t expect from them. they go from a cool and laid-back chick you call your best friend to psychotic clingy and freakishly scary possessive girlfriend who thinks every other girl  is out to steal her barely average boyfriend!! I mean seriously what’s wrong with them? They are so caught up in being the demented girlfriend they forget themselves and every other person in the planet and the guy they are dating becomes the sole focus of their universe! It’s pathetic really!!! That’s exactly the reason when two people in love act all mushy and sweet instead of saying “Aww aren’t they adorable!?” I go all “Allow me to throw up people!”

This is how I’ve been for a very long time. I haven’t seen a single loved up duo who I haven’t felt the need to roll my eyes at! all of them are same- crazy and stupid in love!! None of them seem to know how to balance their love life with their normal life.

Even though all this seems absolutely loopy to me I had come to accept that maybe this is how love is supposed to be-  farcical and retarded!!

That was until one of my closest friends went ahead and fell head over heels in love with an exceptionally tall guy! Now when I found out I was mentally prepared for her to slowly turn into this satanic human being I wouldn’t recognize but I was pleasantly surprised to see the one thing I never thought I’d see in a girl in a relationship- BALANCE.

Honestly even though I love how she managed to stay sane, I don’t see how she does it! A Neurotic ex boyfriend, a psychotic stalker of an ex-girlfriend, back-stabbing friends, family drama: you name it and This particular relationship has all the ingredients you need to make a crappy teen day time TV soap opera.

But even through all this craziness and drama the two of them manage to find their way back to each other.

I never thought I’d say this but when I see the two of them I do secretly go all, “Aww aren’t they adorable!?”

And trust me that is huge Because I don’t just throw around that sentence so easily. It usually takes watching Ashton Kutcher rush down to the beach in a pink car and then run along to the lighthouse on the beach so he can profess his love to Cameron Diaz(excuse the What Happens in Vegas Reference) for me to say something corny like that!!

But even I have to admit these guys are cute!! No matter how much I say the only good thing about her boyfriend is his extensive and daring collection of shoes (Seriously he’s like this male version of Blake Lively when it comes to shoes); deep down even I know he is absolutely perfect for my quirky fun loving crazy(in a good way :p) friend!! I don’t know the future of this relationship but it sure hope it is beautiful!

Looking at the two of them I feel Hope! Maybe not love sick people have to end up going batshit crazy, maybe just maybe a sane healthy relationship is possible! It makes me realize another thing I never imagined; it takes a brave person to take chances with love!

Don’t get me wrong I still think love is stupid people, but stupid people who are brave enough to take the leap of faith and take a chance with love!