My Faithfulness to my Bad Habit
HABIT : plural noun: habits
a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
You see those two lines above this very sentence in that pretty lilac color?
Yes? Well I copied it right of a dictionary and that little word explains exactly why I can’t change to be a better and bigger person.
My faithfulness to my bad habits is a blessing as well as a curse…..
Okay that’s partially a lie… it isn’t a blessing! Nothing good comes of my bad habits.
Now before you let your imagination run loose and imagine me to a perpetually high pot head who lives on booze and pizza bought by money I get from mugging senior citizens in dark alleyways; let me ask you to rein in your active imagination!
My bad habits don’t consist of anything that dramatic. They are just those little annoyingly mean things I do like going out of my way to avoid people I know but not necessarily like; and when I say I go out of my way to avoid them it is not an overemphasis! A couple of months back I was on my way home when I saw a guy who used to be my classmate a long time ago before he moved to god knows where! I was seeing him almost 5 years and the mental image of me having a typical awkward conversation with him was enough for my conscience to shout yell “QUICK HIDE!!” at me. now if I could find a bush shrub car or a fat person to hide behind I would but knowing my luck none of those were available and I had to do something to avoid the aforementioned awkward conversation I did what any sane person would do when in my situation, and this is how the convo went.
guy: Hi Deeplina… Long time haan? how have you been?
Me: *fakes a confused look* Are you talking to me?
me: I’\m sorry you have the wrong person. I am not deeplina.
*walks off leaving the guy embarrassed and confused*
Ookay I know that isn’t how a normal person would have handled things but in my defense I am a very shy painfullyawkward person who is the definition of antisocial and sometimes(who I am I kidding it’s every time) there is a situation that requires me to interact with a human being I am not at least 63% comfortable with my first instinct is to run. and in an attempt to listen to my awesome instincts I do something so horrible I feel the need to die of shame!
I know no amount of remorse I feel will change the fact that the way I treated that guy was super duper mean but still I know even if I had a chance go back in time to redo things I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to have that awkward conversation no matter how much I wanted to do the nice thing and talk to him. Such is my reluctant faithfulness to my bad habits!
My friends were appalled when I told them what happened and couldn’t imagine what would compel somebody to behave the way I did. To be honest their expressions were funny- the shock the huge eyes, the slightly slack mouth and the hint of desire to laugh at my crazy act.
What I did was horrible and I am not at all proud of it, But confessing it like this in a blog is huge for me and it’s gonna take a lot of effort for me to click that little orange “PUBLISH” button on the right of my screen.
This is not gonna change anything but it’s my way of apologizing to the guy who was nice enough to say hey to that quite girl who used to be in his class.